directions (lather rinse repeat)

directions (lather rinse repeat)

she was trapped

in the shower

until the shampoo

ran out at last

because she was

the type of person

who took directions

very seriously

3ight (infinity)

3ight (infinity)

8 = 2 3s

•

eight equals

two threes

making love

standing up

and afterward

lying down

infinity

happiness (the only me i’ll ever be)

happiness (the only me i’ll ever be)

The girls, too, seemed disappointed to discover that in person, Tengo was not the same 
as the passionate young math lecturer they encountered in class. He could understand how they felt. 

1Q84, Haruki Murakami

i am saddest at Christmas

and i always thought it was the holidays

until i realized it was the contracting sunlight

that wrapped me in sadness

•

it was a Christmas rendezvous

what we had become

only these rendezvous

and it was our usual dance

but you regretted rendezvous

in darkness and stealth

they were always too little

but this time you agreed

and brought me a present

this unexpected hardback book

you had found and wrapped

this book and your effort made me cry and happy

•

i don’t tell everyone this

in fact i have never told anyone

but i am telling you

i am a loser

i lose

that’s what i do

i am sad

i am always sad

because i am the only me i’ll ever be

and no one disappoints me like me

and the only me will always be

the one you did not choose

because i always lose

and this being set loose

is the sort of present

that pretty green foil paper

silver ribbons and bows cannot disguise

the weight of Winter Solstice

the end of rendezvous

the loss of you

•

i have never seen a gift horse

or a Trojan horse

and i am really not sure how to be happy

but the book you chose is my talisman

my sunshine my happiness

a Christmas card for every day

feasting (how the wealthy thrive)

feasting (how the wealthy thrive)

it is a delicate thing

feasting on humans

draining them to the edge

of the river to the other side

but these creatures are resilient

against the draw of teeth buried

they live to replenish and survive

to be feasts for the chosen few

this is what most humans do

and how the wealthy thrive

saving

saving

i save movies

like wine

to be shared only

with you

watching together

will leave

our minds stained

darkly purple

like our mouths

and tongues

drunk from watching

and saving

confidant (nothing will ever be to me)

confidant (nothing will ever be to me)

will you be my confidant

my intimate

everything done between us

will be nothing

like anything with anyone else

hushed and quiet and softly spoken

gently gently yes

and only only for us together

will you be my confidant

my intimate

and this plea is for you alone

with me complete

like nothing else with anyone

we’ll bend pronouns to our will

and slide them

over each other always always

be my confidant

my intimate

you need never worry at all

when i slip

into a book or movie or song

nothing will ever be to me

like slipping

into you and then us and us and us

inside you, inside me (flying, falling)

inside you, inside me (flying, falling)

I'm resigned to sail on through
In the wake of tales of you

“Valentine,” Fiona Apple

If dreams are like movies then memories are films about ghosts

“Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby,” Counting Crows

do you dream of flying

or do you dream of falling

do you still dream of me inside you

as i dream of you always inside me

and when you wake from these

do you shake me from your head

like a drenched dog afraid of water

or do you cling to these hauntings

as i do when climbing out of sleep

with your voice in my mind’s ear

the unshakable sensation of close

hovering above having touched you

as if we were just inches apart

and not just imagination cinema

coming to people in dark and sleep

where flying and falling are the same

i have mastered the existential art

of treading wind against the undertow

although the rush of air blurs my vision

and i still can’t relax in these moments

unless i recall the smell of you there

lifting me like a spirit in the breeze

upon watching The Matrix 13 years late (Nerd Rules)

upon watching The Matrix 13 years late (Nerd Rules)

i am just more than half a century

into the American Dream

and i know these to be true:

(a) high school bullies and college frat boys always win

(b) the Mythmakers create the Myths that make them real

and you don’t, and not you, and not you

no matter if you play by the rules

no matter how hard you try

Charlatans beget Charlatans beget Charlatans

and they eat the rest for breakfast

wiping their mouths with $100 bills

and thus we have only one recourse

Science Fiction

the Nerds build imaginary Other Worlds

where high school bullies and frat boys lose

to the Chosen One (the Alpha-Nerd)

and so i am carried into the second half

of my mortal century by these Other Worlds

having just learned the Nerd Rules from The Matrix[1]:

Nerd Rule

The Game is not about being the Chosen One

it is about being the One She chooses to Love

Nerd Rule Reloaded

when She finally chooses you to be the One

you’ll probably be dead as She kisses you

Nerd Rule Revolutions

i reach into the mirror to the Other World

holding out my hand for You (Only You)

because the Chosen One believes in Coyotes

---

[1] we’ll never be as pretty as Keanu Reeves however

rendezvous (what lonely people do, pt. 2)

rendezvous (what lonely people do, pt. 2)

i fell in love with you

at each and every rendezvous

and that was the problem

all along and in the end

to offer in my deepest for you

only these sporadic rendezvous

and these places remain around me

passing them these reminders of us

there is a church parking lot

where we would steal moments

morning rendezvous in your car

i’d bring you breakfast and coffee

you’d turn putting your feet in my lap

this moment of giving that simmers still

i drive by that place now

a rendezvous always there

i fall in love with you

at each and every rendezvous

and that is the problem

all along and in the end

what lonely people do

on the other side of rendezvous

recognize

what lonely people do (we)

what lonely people do (we)

dream

we wake up alone

from dreams where

lost lovers visited us

lying against us

the curve of skin to skin

and talking talking talking

pretend

we fall in love

on Twitter

with tiny photos

140 characters

Favorites and Retweets

like “I love you”

recreate

we hear their voices

see their faces

and turn with joy

to find them not there

except in the pounding

of our hearts longing

drift

we are held to the planet

barely just barely

by gravity’s pull

but our chests are empty

like hot air balloons

craving the sky the sky

hold

we’ve known holding hands

and the mistake of letting go

each time it was offered

because right at that moment

that moment seemed forever

until it was gone gone and gone

fear