this is the reason i failed you (a polaroid)

this is the reason i failed you (a polaroid)

explanations and apologies are not excuses

i have never cared much for ceremonies and formal occasions

but a father giving away his daughter in marriage has a power

you daughter now married and moved into your own home

your mother has begun to clean up and out to face our new world

she has begun to sort our photographs and there they were among duplicates

two polaroids from your visits to the dentist—one marked 5 ½ and one 6

in that half year you had your hair cut short and in the second it is summer

you are smiling widely and from your shorts are the two thinnest legs ever

this is the reason i failed you

i broke under the dual weight of love and my obligation to keep you safe

the latter an ugly and impossible thing that cancels the first and most important

i cannot fathom now how those spindly legs of yours even held you upright

how you walked through the next 16 years under your own power and will

you my daughter are clearly too much for those legs or for my love and failures

and it there that i buckled time and again incapable of my duties and the force of you

explanations and apologies are not excuses

i am sorry

sorry i am the frail one

i saved those polaroids from the trash

placed them on my desk at work

i watch those twins of you past

and remind myself this is your world to walk

i watch those twins of you past

and remind myself your legs are magnificent and powerful

i have never cared much for ceremonies and formal occasions

but a father giving away his daughter in marriage has a power