which came first (or does it matter): out of nothing

which came first (or does it matter): out of nothing

which came first

my feeling as if i don’t exist in our world

or you behaving as if i don’t exist in our world

or does it matter

i know i am prone to feeling the stranger

i admit i am not much like other people

i confess that i have almost never felt a part

and i tend to slip into analysis and distancing

which came first

my feeling as if i don’t exist in our world

or you behaving as if i don’t exist in our world

or does it matter

i suspect it doesn’t matter in the end

because what is done is done and after the fact

and i fear worlds cannot be reconstructed

once one planet becomes two other worlds

which came first

my feeling as if i don’t exist in our world

or you behaving as if i don’t exist in our world

or does it matter

turning this end of us into a chicken-and-egg debate

this is not my best side or even lovable

and i know i am picking this argument over us

although i am beyond debates and winning wars

which came first

my feeling as if i don’t exist in our world

or you behaving as if i don’t exist in our world

or does it matter

asteroids are lifeless remnants but so are most planets

but that is not what two people in love should become

although again i am not arguing about us or even forever

as i gather the dust and rubble to keep up appearances

which came first

my feeling as if i don’t exist in our world

or you behaving as if i don’t exist in our world

or does it matter

and that may be my final act of love and peace

conceding to you appearances and silence about this

ghost walking now we two together and always apart

because people can pass through each other when not looking

which came first

my feeling as if i don’t exist in our world

or you behaving as if i don’t exist in our world

or does it matter

i’ve manufactured this dilemma out of nothing i suppose

like forcing you to choose between a tornado and a hurricane

guaranteeing only the possibility of some natural disaster

the inevitable rearranging and disintegration of us

which came first

my feeling as if i don’t exist in our world

or you behaving as if i don’t exist in our world

or does it matter

i take thirteen steps and the floor falls out from under me

i am untethered but somehow not set free in this orbit

although i have lost my heart entirely to someone else

who has also chosen not to choose me and my disasters