Wednesday, May 22, 2013

which came first (or does it matter): out of nothing

which came first (or does it matter): out of nothing


which came first
my feeling as if i don’t exist in our world
or you behaving as if i don’t exist in our world
or does it matter

i know i am prone to feeling the stranger
i admit i am not much like other people
i confess that i have almost never felt a part
and i tend to slip into analysis and distancing

which came first
my feeling as if i don’t exist in our world
or you behaving as if i don’t exist in our world
or does it matter

i suspect it doesn’t matter in the end
because what is done is done and after the fact
and i fear worlds cannot be reconstructed
once one planet becomes two other worlds

which came first
my feeling as if i don’t exist in our world
or you behaving as if i don’t exist in our world
or does it matter

turning this end of us into a chicken-and-egg debate
this is not my best side or even lovable
and i know i am picking this argument over us
although i am beyond debates and winning wars

which came first
my feeling as if i don’t exist in our world
or you behaving as if i don’t exist in our world
or does it matter

asteroids are lifeless remnants but so are most planets
but that is not what two people in love should become
although again i am not arguing about us or even forever
as i gather the dust and rubble to keep up appearances

which came first
my feeling as if i don’t exist in our world
or you behaving as if i don’t exist in our world
or does it matter

and that may be my final act of love and peace
conceding to you appearances and silence about this
ghost walking now we two together and always apart
because people can pass through each other when not looking

which came first
my feeling as if i don’t exist in our world
or you behaving as if i don’t exist in our world
or does it matter

i’ve manufactured this dilemma out of nothing i suppose
like forcing you to choose between a tornado and a hurricane
guaranteeing only the possibility of some natural disaster
the inevitable rearranging and disintegration of us

which came first
my feeling as if i don’t exist in our world
or you behaving as if i don’t exist in our world
or does it matter

i take thirteen steps and the floor falls out from under me
i am untethered but somehow not set free in this orbit
although i have lost my heart entirely to someone else
who has also chosen not to choose me and my disasters

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