recognition (the proximity of imagined cars)

recognition (the proximity of imagined cars)

I have only two emotions

Careful fear and dead devotion

I can't get the balance right

“Don’t Swallow the Cap,” The National

i do not recognize friends from 35 years ago

even when they are sitting next to me at a bar

until they speak and then the ones i knew return to me

masked behind new faces those years have sculpted

just as i do not recognize me in the mirrors of my day

inverted and creased at the corners of my eyes now

•

i have come to recognize that i cannot wish into reality

i cannot render real by waving a magic wand of words

no this is not a David Lynch movie

i have to remind myself along with breathing deeply

i’ll not be willing myself out of this prison and into your world

where you stand nude illuminated by headlights in a desert night

but i would recognize you anywhere

any time

you pass me in a car that i have never seen

you are wearing a silver thumb ring

and your hair is dyed auburn

i do not see your tattoo

or meet my eyes with yours

but i would recognize you anywhere

•

i do recognize the rush of recognition and proximity

the sudden heavy hollowness of my chest

everything else of this world falling away

the terrible calm of putting you back together again

i watch the car i have never seen before

disappear ahead of me and i hold onto you

freshly pressed into my mind weighted

by a silver thumb ring and auburn hair

•

do you think of me as i do you

do you think of me still

do you

do you

do you

i pass by you unnoticed

a sudden gust of sand

forcing you to shut your eyes

and turn your head suddenly

although you seem to recognize

a faint sing-song incantation