Friday, August 23, 2013



the first time was the worst
she turned her shoulder to him
too tired from being too busy

a brick

he learned brick by brick
not to offer his hand in affection
turning longing to asking to begging

if she in anger had thrown real bricks
leaving him battered and bloodied on the floor
his heart would have survived that din of fury

but not indifference stacked against his desire
not the absence of him in all the flurry of her
everything and anything else except next to him

brick upon brick upon brick

and both then over time fell to masonry
building their separate walls of business

walls so tall and wide they found themselves
all alone each in a world of her and his creation

walls of business
rooms of loneliness
lives of resentment

brick by brick by brick

mortaring off the only thing that matters
their warm intimacy offered one to one

shared freely and often saying wordlessly
you are and i am and thus we shall always be

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

loneliness is weightlessness (dumbfounded)

loneliness is weightlessness (dumbfounded)

“But being a stay-at-home mom was the loneliest kind of lonely, in which she was always and never by herself.”
Flight Behavior, Barbara Kingsolver

i am afraid
that the next step
will be my last one
across the curve of this planet

i rise above the ground


free from the bondage of gravity
because i have come to realize
loneliness is weightlessness

it has been years
since i felt a lover’s hands
heard an intimate’s sigh of longing

untouched and undesired
i have become immaterial
a living breathing visible ghost

and only one potion can cure
this weightlessness of loneliness
that sets me adrift and disengaged

the soft warm curve of your palm
and your finger tips seeking my hand
charging me heavy again with your love

loneliness is weightlessness
and then hopelessness

and then

rising dumbfounded

i listen

Monday, August 19, 2013

this film of you (Transylvania haunts me)

this film of you (Transylvania haunts me)

i cannot stop this film of you
playing continuously in my mind

because i never stop thinking
and i never stop thinking of you

it is impossible i know to separate
memory dreams and ceaseless monologues

all of them starring you in absentia
all of them beyond my capacity to control

i am driving during a muggy August night
after a humid summer day in the South
drenched by a late afternoon thunderstorm

the asphalt glimmers wet in the headlights
and fog rises off the road like white flames
as if i am driving through a B-movie set

this campy Transylvania transforms me
as i approach the church parking lot
where we stole time summer mornings

when we held onto the rendezvous of us
as i held your feet in my lap and hands
while you drank the coffee i brought you

i begin to write this poem as i struggle
against the urge to turn into that church
to park where we once parked and to wait

vampires live forever as gift and curse
as you live forever in this film of you
although no longer in the mirror of my days

i cannot stop this film of you
playing continuously in my mind

Transylvania haunts me because
i do not want this movie to end

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Manifest destiny

Manifest destiny

i did not want you
like inevitable land acquisition
a Manifest destiny of my love

although that isn’t quite accurate

i do not want you
like inevitable land acquisition
a Manifest destiny of my love

sometimes temporal distinctions matter
as i long for small gestures from you

freshly painted toenails offered
an ankle extended toward my hand
the shadowed outline of your ribcage

or the nearly unbearable your hands
nails also polished to match your toes
and you are reaching for me for me

i have never asked to be the only one
although i have always longed for forever

i have never needed or wanted anything
beyond the you that is you and always you

although i do recognize my love for you is
a canyon or a tornado too huge to manage

want you see can become a natural disaster
despite the best intentions or purity of heart

i do not want you
like inevitable land acquisition
a Manifest destiny of my love

but the frailest thing of all remains
i do want you
like the hollow bones of birds
the soft whispers in dreams
and the thin air at 12,000 feet