holding on (our zen odyssey)

holding on (our zen odyssey)

 I tried so hard to leave you behind me but I am more faithful than I intended to be…. Anything that will blow your candles out. For nowadays the world is lit by lightning. Blow out your candles Laura.

The Glass Menagerie, Tennessee Williams

But tell me now where was my fault,
in loving you with my whole heart?

“White Blank Page,” Mumford and Sons

we are driving down the interstate

alone in the car

this is something rare for us

we are momentarily quiet together

monolithic

this is something exceedingly rare for us

we are close because the car is small

i reach for you, slipping my hand

under the hem of your pants leg

and then into the top of your sock

holding on to your ankle as we drive

•

hey, i wave to you now across

an expanse of time and space and decisions

free-floating, a disengaged astronaut

hey, i shout into this vacuum

just to say that i have not let go, i cannot

i am, i am always holding on

•

my world is a Stanley Kubrick film

an Arthur C. Clarke novel

i have no bonsai tree

or meticulous zen garden

but i have this impression

in the palm of my hand

your wonder-filled ankle

solid as a Buddha statue

•

the music fades

the camera pulls back

until i am so small

you cannot see the tears

the book clutched to my chest

[like an ankle or tiny monolith]

the song on repeat in my mind

and then

everything appears to stop

except my heart