Friday, March 15, 2013

holding on (our zen odyssey)

holding on (our zen odyssey)

 I tried so hard to leave you behind me but I am more faithful than I intended to be…. Anything that will blow your candles out. For nowadays the world is lit by lightning. Blow out your candles Laura.
The Glass Menagerie, Tennessee Williams

But tell me now where was my fault,
in loving you with my whole heart?
“White Blank Page,” Mumford and Sons

we are driving down the interstate
alone in the car

this is something rare for us

we are momentarily quiet together

this is something exceedingly rare for us

we are close because the car is small
i reach for you, slipping my hand
under the hem of your pants leg
and then into the top of your sock
holding on to your ankle as we drive

heyi wave to you now across
an expanse of time and space and decisions
free-floating, a disengaged astronaut

heyi shout into this vacuum
just to say that i have not let go, i cannot
i am, i am always holding on

my world is a Stanley Kubrick film
an Arthur C. Clarke novel

i have no bonsai tree
or meticulous zen garden

but i have this impression
in the palm of my hand

your wonder-filled ankle
solid as a Buddha statue

the music fades
the camera pulls back
until i am so small

you cannot see the tears
the book clutched to my chest
[like an ankle or tiny monolith]
the song on repeat in my mind

and then
everything appears to stop

except my heart

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