she found herself

she found herself

she found herself
at the bottom
of almost dying

and people didn't

recognize her at first

blonde hair now red

finding yourself

is like chiseling stone

not opening a door

this is what she told us

looking away self-consciously

as if we could catch almost dying

it is not looking

in a mirror seeing

this thing you in reverse

she added her voice hushed

leaning toward us squinting

as if we were mirrors

now she smiled

unlike anything before

that other grin gone

i am me

i always was

beneath that other

she handed us

a bittersweet message

on silver lips and tongue

because we never could

tell if it was oil or blood

in the water rising around us

and we had no idea

how to swim this tide

of her found and free

just treading water

against the weight

of jealousy in our throats

leaving our voices dulled

hiding our cries

of sorry sorry sorry

may i  hold your hand

kiss the curve of your thigh

smell you enter this room

i tried to ask as she walked

away leaving leaving

oil or blood footprints

invitations printed

by her soft soles touching

the silly spinning world

and there would be no party

or cake and icecream

or streamers and balloons

for falling in love

with this walking away

required only so much. . .

she found herself

at the turn back

toward living