Sunday, December 23, 2012

cautious (resignation)

cautious (resignation)

we were cautious you & i
calculating & careful
about the possible us
about the brief us
about the forever us

instead we should have plunged in heart-first
made a mess no one could have ever erased
left a mark bold & deep & permanent

resignation to caution is the feast of the living dead

i am reading my third Haruki Murakami novel
when the word resignation begins to haunt me

and then there it is several pages after i recognize
i am thinking incessantly about my fear of resignation

the narrator mentions Kafka’s “In the Penal Colony”
so i re-read that story finding again the word resignation

is the tragedy of being human our resignation to resignation?

that night
my dream is a dream
of resignation to sleep

i am driving and it is night
my car doesn’t run as it should
i feel myself drifting to sleep
embracing sleep while driving

i struggle awake or in and out
of that precious sleeping to coax
my car to work to propel me forward
as it will not in this heaviness dreaming

i do not struggle once awake resigned as i am to caution

he found himself awake
standing at the back door
staring at broken gnomes
figurines blown off the railing

he stood there quite awhile
the thought of how to anchor
the collection against the gusts
held him still as the car in his dream

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