all the king’s horses (re-assembly required)

all the king’s horses (re-assembly required)

“…another jagged fragment in a nightmare.”

“All the King’s Horses,” Welcome to the Monkey House, Kurt Vonnegut

I.

it seems there were at least two problems

with putting Humpty Dumpty together again

1. how were horses to help with their hooves?

2. there is no going back once a thing is broken

II.

there was a soft moment

cold and blindingly bright

when he resigned himself to fragments

resigned himself to re-assembly required

but he was neither a king’s horse nor a king’s man

and he was completely loyal to gathering remnants

because he had learned the art of quilting in dreams

and believed we always own all the things we break

stitches

stitches


nothing cuts as deep as a lie

except the truth

child of my child (exponential love)

child of my child (exponential love)

Here I am here I am in your life
It's a beautiful life
My life
It's a beautiful life
Your life

“Hairshirt,” Green, R.E.M.

child of my child

not yet here among us

we have not made this world

as we should have as we could have

you will be among us though

in a world a beautiful possibility still

a world a beautiful possibility still

just as you are and will always be

when you arrive we will all hold hands

reach for you and cry and smile and cry and smile

and then together we will all look skyward

because all above us is the limit the sky

the sky

the sky

nearly as wide and forever infinite

as the exponential love for you child of my child

13 November 2013

The 451 App (22 August 2022)

The 451 App (22 August 2022)

“So! A book is a loaded gun in the house next door. Burn it.”

Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury

everyone had electronic devices of course

when it began appearing harmlessly (it seemed)

a red fireman’s hat icon with 451 in yellow

no one could delete the 451 App (if anyone tried)

and no one could ever determine just what it did

until of course the date 22 August 2022 arrived

hindsight they said even then is 20/20 (foolishly)

but in the days that followed there was a certain clarity

about the words and ebooks forever wiped away

the 451 App turned from fireman’s hat to flame

that flickered and glowed on everyone’s device

as if waving good-bye to something no one could name

the proximity of entrances and exits (the only teenager i ever knew how to be)

the proximity of entrances and exits (the only teenager i ever knew how to be)

“If you think of someone enough, you’re sure to meet them again,” she said in parting.

“Samsa in Love,” Haruki Murakami

“I won't need any help to be lonely when you leave me/It'll be easy to cover”

“Slipped,” The National

it is the day after Halloween as i leave for work

the black lab is sitting up anxiously in the dark garage

the chocolate lab lies just outside blocking the door and gate

he has always been drawn to the proximity of entrances and exits

the morning is unseasonably warm and wind chimes sing

in the breeze that is up well before the sun has risen

but there is enough light to see the blanket of clouds

covering the dawn as the promise of rain approaches

i am carrying a bag of comic books i bought the day before

a middle-aged man visiting a comic book store

like the only teenager i ever knew how to be

i pause before stepping into my car to listen to the chimes

i am six minutes later than usual for leaving

and my broken smallest toe throbs in the boots i wear

the interstate i know will be packed like a swarm of beetles

so i resign myself to a creeping trip alone in the car

i will turn on The National to sing along as i drive

i will change my mind from beetles to an infinite centipede

with thousands of red glowing dots on the segments

and then my mind will turn to you as it always does

•

foolishly as a teenager i thought i was as lonely as a human could be

gathering comic books to surround myself with the Marvel Universe

i could collect into neat plastic-bag rows and count on each month

and then each night alone in bed i would imagine you there

thinking of you over two decades before i would meet you

trapped then in the only teenager i ever knew how to be

what did i know of you what could i know of you i realize now

what did i know of being lonely what could i know of being lonely

it is a foolish and brave thing to imagine the one you love

•

it is Halloween when i feel compelled to buy comic books again

there is always long pauses of this adolescent compulsion

but The Sandman Overture series is published and my bones just know

i start reading a new Murakami short story before visiting the store

it is a story of Gregor Samsa falling in love in the wake of being a bug

his being human again for the first time and listening to the surge of his heart

i finish the story at home after buying several comic books and browsing

and it is there in the story that my mind turns to you as it always does

i am thinking of you as the woman Samsa loves talks of thinking of someone

she is assuring Samsa and then me who she does not know and cannot know

that people can and will meet again if the thinking of is true and warm

as i begin to imagine seeing you again for the first time as if that is possible

i will introduce the me who is not me but of course is the only me i can be

and i will hear wind chimes and think about my anxious black lab in darkness

while a warm day after Halloween blankets us with clouds and offers dreams

the truth

the truth

“When did you first fall in love with her?

sitting at a keyboard and computer monitor

the man asking the questions wore glasses

and a lab coat with assistants quietly on each side

the man being asked was sitting in a chair

cuffed at his wrists and ankles so tightly

that his hands and feet were essentially numb

he also had electrodes on his temples with wires

running to the computer where his questioner sat

and the two nearly identical assistants said nothing

“I walked out of my room.

I saw her sitting down the hall.”

“No.

Not when you first saw her.

When did you first fall in love?”

“When I walked out of my room.

I saw her sitting down the hall.”

“You had not spoken a word to her?’

“I hadn’t even seen her face.”

“What was it?

We just want the truth.

We just need the truth.”

the man being asked knew all about this searching for the truth

he knew that they could determine if he were telling the truth

and he knew that this particular truth sounded ridiculous

“It was the curve—it was the curve of the top of her foot.

Across her ankle and then up her shin.

She was wearing simple slip-ons and no socks.

And black leggings to just below her knees.”

“It was the curve?”

the man asking the questions looked at his monitor typing

the assistants stared vacantly across the room as if alone

until the tapping stopped and both looked at the questioner

the questioner nodded so slightly it may not have even been a nod

but the assistants stood immediately and loosened the cuffs

setting free the man being asked who felt suddenly lighter than air

“OK, then.

All we wanted was the truth.”