lies, paralysis, & all the things we cannot recover
Yeah, I'm missing something
Abel, my mind's gone loose inside the shell
“Abel,” The National
i wake up in a bed of snakes
assuming that all the lies i live by
have been rendered real to cradle me
the first thing they all do is ask me
with their heads tilted just so “How do you feel?”
as if they are intent on listening seriously
they seem completely unaware of the snakes
because of course they too are magnificent liars
and no one acknowledges another’s bed of snakes
this is simply a ploy to allow a brief pause
before they tell me the consequences of The Accident
“The Accident,” they explain, “has left you paralyzed”
as if The Accident is a sentient creature like the snakes
and it is then i realize neither the snakes nor the paralysis
is even close to the worst of this bed i have made to lie in
you see the snakes are simply all those lies come alive
and paralysis is the manifestation of the inner me
the paralysis i have covered in a hissing bed of lies
the worst of it all is something only i can tell them
which is that i have no memory of my past life at all
with this their heads tilt again and they declare
“Ah, well, we are not sure about the paralysis,” they admit,
“but we can certainly help you rebuild your past!”
and so they begin to tell me everything they can offer
strangers, family, and friends are all the same to me
but they each sit patiently one by one beside my bed of snakes
telling me stories in no particular order with no clear value
paralyzed and lying in a bed of snakes i know mostly one thing
something or more importantly someone remains lost in this
something or someone i can never recover is my final fate
knowing there is a vast and precious unknown i cannot recover
leaves me paralyzed and hopeless as a snake in a foot of snow
wishing to recover the unknown and all the sadness it brings
